if i can run in heels then i can drive
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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