I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
