wanna go halves on a baby?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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