She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He told me they were just razor bumps!
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
