How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
