Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Less talking, more tequila
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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