My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
