it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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