Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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