EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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