I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
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She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
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One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize