so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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