just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
