I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
