Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
