Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
