Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There's always time for handjobs
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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