I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
