FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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