I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
