Can i not drive my cunt home
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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