Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
