I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
