Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
