Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
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