I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
