im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
