no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
