Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
