Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
