You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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