I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
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even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
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At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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