hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
