remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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