Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
