eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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