Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
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Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
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I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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