I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
