so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize