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• (214): View more from Texas

  New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  ...object impermanence?

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• (714): View more from California

  I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.

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• (510): View more from California

  Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs

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