i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
