my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
