Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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