He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Randomize
