Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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