butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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