I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
