i think my mom watched the whole time
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm passing your future prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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