I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Your cock deserves a montage
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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