He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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