goodnight i made you a song goodbye
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
the liver wants what the liver wants
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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