i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
