Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
