I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
