DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
