Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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