Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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