Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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