did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
