Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
