either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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