The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize