My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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