I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
