why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
