Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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