I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
