Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
