Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
