The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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