I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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