Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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