this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Randomize
