Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
