I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You smell like stripper and shame
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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