My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
